Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2015 3:53:40 GMT
Hilarious obit for mum of 'dysfunctional family' warming hearts
It opens with the attempt to give away the mother, grandmother and great-grandmother's belongings.
"She left behind a hell of a lot of stuff to her daughter and sons who have no idea what to do with," the obituary read, adding that two extremely large TVs from the 90s, a large ceramic stork, an umbrella/cane stand, a toaster oven, a 2001 Oldsmobile with only 71,000 km and 1000 different tools were up for grabs.
"You should wait the appropriate amount of time and get in touch. Tomorrow would be fine with us."
Sandy Stocks told BuzzFeed Canada that he decided to write the humorous obituary after his older sister Shauna felt too distraught to pen the tribute.
He details her, "lack of patience, not holding back her opinion and a knack for telling it like it is. She always told you the truth even if it wasn't what you wanted to hear. It was the school of hard knocks and yes we were told many times how she had to walk for miles in a blizzard to get to school, so suck it up."
He then went on to describe her cooking style.
"She believed in overcooking everything until it chewed like rubber so you would never get sick because all germs would be nuked. Freezing germs also worked, so by Friday our school sandwiches were hard and chewy, but totally germ free," the piece reads.
"All four of us (kids) learned to use a napkin. You would pretend to cough, spit the food into it and thus was born the Stocks diet. If anyone would like a copy of her homemade gravy, we would suggest you don't."
The obituary also describes the wonderful marriage between Pat Stocks and her husband Paul.
"They had the best marriage, they were madly in love and just an incredible couple, and they did everything for each other and for her kids."
Love is a four letter word and while Pat Cooks loved her family she also loved four letter expletives.
"She liked four letter words as much as she loved her rock garden and trust us she LOVED to weed that garden with us as her helpers, when child labour was legal or so we were told.
"Her extensive vocabulary was more than highly proficient at knowing more curse words than most people learned in a life time."
Stocks says his mother was a private person in a lot of ways and told the family, "Look guys, when I die, I don't want a funeral, I don't want anything...just take my ashes and spread them out at Bloor and Yonge. That's where I kissed your Dad the first time."
But when asked what his mother would have thought of the obituary and the overwhelming response, he quips, "She probably would love the reaction...she may not show it... but she'd be saying how much money did you spend putting that in the paper?"
"I hope she is looking down and laughing her head off," he said.
The touching obituary ends with a declaration of love for this very special bad cooking, smart mouth, loving mother.
"All whom loved her dearly and will never forget her tenacity, wit, charm, grace (when pertinent) and undying love and caring for them.
www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/life/70541505/hilarious-obit-for-mum-of-dysfunctional-family-warming-hearts
It opens with the attempt to give away the mother, grandmother and great-grandmother's belongings.
"She left behind a hell of a lot of stuff to her daughter and sons who have no idea what to do with," the obituary read, adding that two extremely large TVs from the 90s, a large ceramic stork, an umbrella/cane stand, a toaster oven, a 2001 Oldsmobile with only 71,000 km and 1000 different tools were up for grabs.
"You should wait the appropriate amount of time and get in touch. Tomorrow would be fine with us."
Sandy Stocks told BuzzFeed Canada that he decided to write the humorous obituary after his older sister Shauna felt too distraught to pen the tribute.
He details her, "lack of patience, not holding back her opinion and a knack for telling it like it is. She always told you the truth even if it wasn't what you wanted to hear. It was the school of hard knocks and yes we were told many times how she had to walk for miles in a blizzard to get to school, so suck it up."
He then went on to describe her cooking style.
"She believed in overcooking everything until it chewed like rubber so you would never get sick because all germs would be nuked. Freezing germs also worked, so by Friday our school sandwiches were hard and chewy, but totally germ free," the piece reads.
"All four of us (kids) learned to use a napkin. You would pretend to cough, spit the food into it and thus was born the Stocks diet. If anyone would like a copy of her homemade gravy, we would suggest you don't."
The obituary also describes the wonderful marriage between Pat Stocks and her husband Paul.
"They had the best marriage, they were madly in love and just an incredible couple, and they did everything for each other and for her kids."
Love is a four letter word and while Pat Cooks loved her family she also loved four letter expletives.
"She liked four letter words as much as she loved her rock garden and trust us she LOVED to weed that garden with us as her helpers, when child labour was legal or so we were told.
"Her extensive vocabulary was more than highly proficient at knowing more curse words than most people learned in a life time."
Stocks says his mother was a private person in a lot of ways and told the family, "Look guys, when I die, I don't want a funeral, I don't want anything...just take my ashes and spread them out at Bloor and Yonge. That's where I kissed your Dad the first time."
But when asked what his mother would have thought of the obituary and the overwhelming response, he quips, "She probably would love the reaction...she may not show it... but she'd be saying how much money did you spend putting that in the paper?"
"I hope she is looking down and laughing her head off," he said.
The touching obituary ends with a declaration of love for this very special bad cooking, smart mouth, loving mother.
"All whom loved her dearly and will never forget her tenacity, wit, charm, grace (when pertinent) and undying love and caring for them.
www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/life/70541505/hilarious-obit-for-mum-of-dysfunctional-family-warming-hearts
