Returning Home

I use the mind palace in reverse, where I lock memories I dont want to keep, behind a steal door in the dark reaches of my mind, and it stays there unless I work really hard to unlock that door.

THAT we do when young, our tiny bodies unable to defend ourselves from adults within the Family, over-worked and underpaid, some intoxicated with rage, others alcohol.
What you have described here Reggae
is why many of us depart home, go live in the outskirts of mind, on the periphery where things appear so sensitive we find our minds can be used as RADARs, something we wrap about ourselves rather than stand NAKED,
now that we are adults.

Somewhere along the journey, some of us realise this same wad of information that makes-up what is called mind can be a handicap, especially so when our quality of life is not growing greater.

Now that you have the KEY,
do you work it in the lock
regular?

LIFE QUOTE
new thread? Nah...
place it here Oldfriend.

Adyashanti,
"You are not any of the stories you believed about yourself. What you are is actually the absence of story.

That's why the Buddha said, "There is no self." In the modern vernacular, he might have awakened and said, "There is no story of me."

Your sense of a separate, isolated self is the source of all struggle. You have to struggle because you are paying attention to a conglomeration of images and beliefs. You are struggling to maintain that sense of separate self, even while you are struggling to be rid of that sense of separate self.
When you stop struggling, you realize there is no separate self. There is actually no self there.

So this sense of self is not a noun but is actually a verb called struggle. And when you struggle, you suffer."