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Post by Imbannedeverywhere on Sept 3, 2017 20:12:45 GMT
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Post by Nats on Oct 1, 2017 2:39:02 GMT
Little Johnny came home from school to see the family's pet rooster dead in the front yard.
Rigor Mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air.
When his Dad came home Johnny said, "Dad our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?"
His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."
"Gee Dad that's great," said Little Johnny. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Johnny rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"
"What do you mean?" said Dad.
"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, "Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming"
If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!
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Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2017 22:05:57 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 1, 2017 1:17:20 GMT
I love the Paddy jokes.   |
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Post by Nats on Nov 18, 2017 1:27:04 GMT
My wife had been after me for several weeks to varnish the wooden seat on our toilet.
Finally I got around to doing it while she was out shopping.
After finishing I left to take care of another matter before she returned.
She came home and prepared to take a shower. Before getting in the shower she got undressed and then sat on the toilet.
As she tried to stand up she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the toilet seat.
About that time I got home and realized her predicament.. We both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever.
Finally in desperation I undid the toilet seat bolts. She wrapped a sheet around herself and I drove her to the hospital emergency room.
The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her (Try to get a mental picture of this.)
She tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying, "Well, Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before.."
The Doctor replied, "Actually I've seen lots of them... I just never saw one mounted and framed."
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Post by Deleted on Dec 22, 2017 3:18:17 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 1, 2018 1:10:23 GMT
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Post by Imbannedeverywhere on Jan 6, 2018 5:40:35 GMT
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Post by Imbannedeverywhere on Jan 6, 2018 7:11:26 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 6, 2018 8:07:48 GMT
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Post by Imbannedeverywhere on Jan 6, 2018 10:00:41 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 6, 2018 10:03:43 GMT
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Post by Imbannedeverywhere on Jan 6, 2018 13:59:24 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 15, 2018 0:06:25 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 15, 2018 0:18:33 GMT
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Post by mab on Jan 20, 2018 23:38:38 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 20, 2018 23:41:15 GMT
savage man  |
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Post by Imbannedeverywhere on Jan 22, 2018 7:09:23 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 22, 2018 7:39:34 GMT
thats a little bit rude for me sorry
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Post by Imbannedeverywhere on Jan 23, 2018 9:00:34 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 23, 2018 9:20:07 GMT
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Post by Imbannedeverywhere on Jan 23, 2018 13:50:44 GMT
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Post by Imbannedeverywhere on Jan 23, 2018 14:48:33 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 23, 2018 19:06:27 GMT
that one is a bit rude for me
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Post by Imbannedeverywhere on Jan 25, 2018 1:12:59 GMT
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